I just took some ambien, so lets hope I can get this out before it kicks in. Such is the life of a sleep tech/mom/wife. I have NO circadian rhythm. Anyway, the lovely and oh so gracious Jennae (andys niece) is hosting an adoption fund raiser for us this weekend. This sweet sweet girl is donating 20% of what is ordered to our adoption fund. She is selling the AWESOME beauty/health/life products by Arbonne. If you haven't heard of it, it is such GOOD GOOD STUFF that is OH SO GOOD for you!!!! I know many of you reading this won't be able to attend the actual "party", but here is the info if you would like to order online
Go to www.arbonne.com, enter ID #19980211 in the top right hand corner. Click login. (there is no password needed)
There will be other opportunities, fund raisers, maybe some give aways etc. as we come up with them so PLEASE do not think I will be "offended" if you can't order anything. You have all been sooooo wonderful to us and i thank God for each and every one of you daily. Keep praying!!!!
its we either laugh or.......we order make up!!! whoop whoop
chrissy
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The End of Act One
THE END OF ACT ONE
The alarm clock woke me up, buzzing…why won’t it stop? And where is Tom, and why doesn’t he shut it off? And why is it so far away? I shook the slumber from my body and made my way downstairs to the living room. Well, there’s Tom, facing the back of the couch…something is dreadfully wrong – he’s such a light sleeper – why doesn’t he turn it off? And why is he sleeping down here? In 25 years we had never slept apart. I turned off the alarm and slowly moved toward the couch, with a sick feeling in my gut. I shook him, saying his name, and got no response. I felt his neck for a pulse, and I will never ever forget the sensation of no life; he was a cold as a rock, and stone silent. I grabbed him by the shoulders and rolled him over, only to see the right side of his face as totally purple where the blood had pooled. My first response was to run…and I did. I ran back upstairs and put on street clothes. I then started to panic and ran back downstairs to check him again. I looked at all his body parts, and yes…it was my husband of 25 years. I then grabbed the remote, thinking it was a telephone and dialed 911. Then I threw it against the wall and ran into the other room and found a phone, called 911, and said, “I think my husband is dead”. I only lived two doors from the sheriff, so a policeman was at my door immediately. I couldn’t watch what he was doing…I ran into the next room and kept saying, “is he really gone? Is he really gone?” He was only 47 years old. The policeman didn’t want to respond, and just then the paramedics arrived, who asked if they could “work him”. I told them no – if he’s gone, let him be gone. At that time, they figured he had been dead right around an hour. They were very kind and slowly I was able to go over to the couch and touch him. When the coroner came they left and said they would take him whenever I was ready. Tom was pronounced dead, and in that little town, word spread fast…neighbors and a priest arrived soon, and then I called my brother who notified the rest of my family.
“I never got to tell him good-bye”.
The day before was a fun day. Tom didn’t feel well; but we still went to the park to meet my daughter’s fiance’s family. Tom had always wanted to go to Blue Chip Casino. I hate gambling, but all my brothers and sisters were going, so we went with them. Tom was very excited about going. We went out to eat before boarding the boat, and he didn’t eat very much. He asked me to drive on the way there so he could rest. Once we got on the boat, he started throwing up. We each purchased $20 worth of tokens. I used half of mine and was bored. Something like a voice said to me “give Tom the remaining tokens…you’ll be glad that you did”. I thought this was strange, but I complied…and he enjoyed them! His coloring was terrible, so I drove home. We watched TV for a few minutes, and he said to me, “I’m going to lay here in the recliner for a few minutes; I’ll be up to bed later because I’m having terrible heartburn; maybe if I stay in an upright position it will go away shortly”. I turned and started to go upstairs, but again, something like a voice told me “kiss him goodnight now…you’ll be glad you did”. So I turned around and kissed him and went upstairs to bed and fell asleep. God came for him about four hours later.
That “voice” that I heard was a great comfort to me after his death. It reminded me that God knew what was going to happen. And since He knew, I had to believe that His hand was in this situation, and that He would somehow get me through the rest of my life.
And He has – abundantly!
During that first year, the grief was horrific; my heart was so broken, and I felt that God was a million miles away. I look back on it now and can see that God was with me every day, keeping me from making terrible decisions, even though my prayer life was non-existent except for an endless river of tears. Slowly, with God’s grace I faced the reality of the situation and worked through the grief. Slowly my heart began to thaw after a year, and I began to take baby steps towards a new life.
The alarm clock woke me up, buzzing…why won’t it stop? And where is Tom, and why doesn’t he shut it off? And why is it so far away? I shook the slumber from my body and made my way downstairs to the living room. Well, there’s Tom, facing the back of the couch…something is dreadfully wrong – he’s such a light sleeper – why doesn’t he turn it off? And why is he sleeping down here? In 25 years we had never slept apart. I turned off the alarm and slowly moved toward the couch, with a sick feeling in my gut. I shook him, saying his name, and got no response. I felt his neck for a pulse, and I will never ever forget the sensation of no life; he was a cold as a rock, and stone silent. I grabbed him by the shoulders and rolled him over, only to see the right side of his face as totally purple where the blood had pooled. My first response was to run…and I did. I ran back upstairs and put on street clothes. I then started to panic and ran back downstairs to check him again. I looked at all his body parts, and yes…it was my husband of 25 years. I then grabbed the remote, thinking it was a telephone and dialed 911. Then I threw it against the wall and ran into the other room and found a phone, called 911, and said, “I think my husband is dead”. I only lived two doors from the sheriff, so a policeman was at my door immediately. I couldn’t watch what he was doing…I ran into the next room and kept saying, “is he really gone? Is he really gone?” He was only 47 years old. The policeman didn’t want to respond, and just then the paramedics arrived, who asked if they could “work him”. I told them no – if he’s gone, let him be gone. At that time, they figured he had been dead right around an hour. They were very kind and slowly I was able to go over to the couch and touch him. When the coroner came they left and said they would take him whenever I was ready. Tom was pronounced dead, and in that little town, word spread fast…neighbors and a priest arrived soon, and then I called my brother who notified the rest of my family.
“I never got to tell him good-bye”.
The day before was a fun day. Tom didn’t feel well; but we still went to the park to meet my daughter’s fiance’s family. Tom had always wanted to go to Blue Chip Casino. I hate gambling, but all my brothers and sisters were going, so we went with them. Tom was very excited about going. We went out to eat before boarding the boat, and he didn’t eat very much. He asked me to drive on the way there so he could rest. Once we got on the boat, he started throwing up. We each purchased $20 worth of tokens. I used half of mine and was bored. Something like a voice said to me “give Tom the remaining tokens…you’ll be glad that you did”. I thought this was strange, but I complied…and he enjoyed them! His coloring was terrible, so I drove home. We watched TV for a few minutes, and he said to me, “I’m going to lay here in the recliner for a few minutes; I’ll be up to bed later because I’m having terrible heartburn; maybe if I stay in an upright position it will go away shortly”. I turned and started to go upstairs, but again, something like a voice told me “kiss him goodnight now…you’ll be glad you did”. So I turned around and kissed him and went upstairs to bed and fell asleep. God came for him about four hours later.
That “voice” that I heard was a great comfort to me after his death. It reminded me that God knew what was going to happen. And since He knew, I had to believe that His hand was in this situation, and that He would somehow get me through the rest of my life.
And He has – abundantly!
During that first year, the grief was horrific; my heart was so broken, and I felt that God was a million miles away. I look back on it now and can see that God was with me every day, keeping me from making terrible decisions, even though my prayer life was non-existent except for an endless river of tears. Slowly, with God’s grace I faced the reality of the situation and worked through the grief. Slowly my heart began to thaw after a year, and I began to take baby steps towards a new life.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
A new experience for me!
I've never blogged before...but I love to read others', and I love to write! So we'll see where this goes. I'm going to a writers workshop on Sunday at an old Catholic retreat house. It's way over by the Ohio/Indiana line, so it's a drive. But it's a group of people who get together and write about spiritual topics. I find that as I age...there's less that I can do physically. So I try and find other activities that I enjoy that don't involve alot of physical pain! So this is one of them. (writing). I find that by the time I do everything in life that needs to be done...there's not much time or energy left to do the things I WANT to do. With working full time, and keeping a house and marriage going, and living with a daughter and a grandson who is in constant motion...some days I don't have alot of energy left! But I CAN sit at my keyboard and write! I really enjoy facebook, but it's so public that I can't really say what I really think and feel. And Journaling is very therapeutic; not to mention this is a way I can talk to my family! That's another area of my life that suffers...I just don't seem to have the time to talk to my family members. Maybe this will help! So my goal is to blog a couple times a week...should be fun!
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